First things first

This will be a blog about all the things in life that keep me going (my dreams, aspirations, cinema, good music, reading, photography, friends, family, technology) and trying to live a well examined and artful life in general.  It will also include those things that try to drag me down (fears, crappy mainstream movies, music, television and books as well as most everybody else on this planet) whilst I try to recover from a stroke I suffered on May 2ndof this year.  Speaking of the stroke…I will also try to post the various gains and setbacks along the way for anybody who is curious or is looking for answers to their stroke related questions as there is not much online about younger (20-30 something) survivors of stroke.  Most stroke patients are usually much older than myself, and when people my age stroke out it often kills them.

A little background about myself and my stroke-

I’m 31 and divorced, but I can’t really remember anything about my ex wife (or most of the people in my history) thanks to the stroke.  I can remember doing things in the past, but when, where and with whom… all the little details escape me.  Its as if none of that several years of my life happened to me but that I observed it happening to a close friend.  I’ve started recalling some friends more now with much effort and those memories I cherish most.  As for the stroke, it was a hemorrhage on the right side of my brain that affects, among other things, the left side of my body.  Those of you who know me are no doubt laughing right now for as you know; I’m a southpaw.  Good one, Universe.

It was not drugs or smoking or anything glamorous that caused my stroke, just a heretofore unknown cystic kidney disease that causes hard to control blood pressure.  I’m talking 300s over 220s without meds.  Anywhoo, it’s getting harder to type with just my right hand as my left is being so uncooperatve today so i’m gonna end this by saying- drop me a line, leave a comment, whatever and I’ll post more later.

Brian

P.S.- I update this page quite often, so don’t be afraid to poke around.  Read ALL my posts and pages and visit my flickr page.  Only then will you get to know the me that only the woodland creatures know.

Don’t be the kid in the PG13 movie…Be the man in the R rated one.

So anywhoo, I said that I wanted to provide insight and guidance to many of my fellow men out there that could aid them in their quest for physical contact (sex) with members of the opposite gender and starting today I’m going to do just that.  Now to anyone who has read my blog in the past you are probably wondering why a 30 something stroke survivor with the obvious medical and physical accompaniments should feel worthy of giving all you able-bodied fellas out there tips on how to get laid.  My answer is simple… through some easy observations and behavior modifications I made I’m positive that I score more often and with a consistently higher grade of woman/girl than MOST of you do.

The numero uno reason that stops most men from getting what they want (or having to give up too much to get it) is fear.  Before you get the girl there is always the fear of rejection and that is understandable, but it is not the real fear we must eliminate.  Most guys seem to labor under illusions like “this might be the last piece of tail I get”, “what if she does not love me”, “what if I’m not good enough for her”.  It’s what I like to refer to as the Golden Pussy Syndrome or GPS for short.  All men seem to feel that every vagina on this planet is like some magical gift she can choose to bestow or withdraw from you at any time and without it you will die.  Now it is true that without sex, you may want to die but in reality her fun crease is not your lone savior.  We seem to think that their having of a vagina makes them better than us.  Almost scary in some way, it’s as if we find that silly little body part intimidating.  Why?  Men are not the only ones who suffer from this delusion, women do to, in a more personal way, and if you as a man realize this than you my friend hold most of the cards.  You see, as men, we think that ALL babymakers have special powers, but each and every woman on god’s green earth is under the impression that she and she alone has the much balleyhooed Vagina of Gold that can control the destiny of her man/men. 

They all know we like pussy, we all know we like pussy but they all think we want their one specific pussy more than all others.  Are you starting to see where we come out on top here fellas?  It’s like they have no clue whatsoever that there are more of them then there are of us and we don’t like just their specific pussy…hell, we like them all.  Women are NOT wired for thinking that a man could be able to walk away from them, it blows the circuits in their head to shit.  The fact that most dupes out there will continue to fear the vagina and feed their believes in the power of their Vagina of Gold makes it that much easier for those of us who realize that a pussy is a pussy to capitalize on the glut of them on the marketplace right now.  Now if there are any of you saps reading this wondering like Tina Turner what’s love got to do with this than you should stop reading now, go be the guy you’ve been trained to think women want, and then marry the first humorless bitch who fucks you more than once and then die a slow miserable death for the next 60 years.  The rest of us who are able to separate love from sex (like straight men ARE supposed to) are going to be off getting laid and not listening to women bitch.  Over the next couple of days I’m going to be discussing the theories and ideas all this is based on as well as going into some ideas to help you get all of that brainwashing shit you have been fed your whole life out of your noggin.  Then I will start to lay down some tips, tricks, and real life examples from myself and friends of mine that will help you when you are out there on the hunt.  And good hunting it will be.

Adios Muchachos,

Brian

RETURN OF THE MACK!!!!

Keep looking here as I will begin posting new material I’ve been working on recently.  Although I will still discuss some of whats going on with my stroke recovery I will also be branching out more into male/female relationships and why so many men are fuckin up this golden age of easy to get/guilt free/commitment free sex that the women of the world seemed to just hand to us after what seems to have been a decades long struggle known as the “sexual revolution” and “the battle of the sexes”.  I will also be discussing things that my fellow men can do to change their attitude, outlook, AND their luck with the ladies.  I will be looking forward to feedback from both genders so that I may defend my positions, spot weaknesses in my logic and hopefully change some lives along the way.  I’m gonna stop here for now so I can get some other things accomplished while I’ve still got some vim and vigor left in my day.

Keep your ear to the ground & your eye on the prize.

Brian “Rusty Shackles” Bird

Respite from the electro- wonderland

just to let yall know what i’ve been up too- Nada online since i had to turn my laptop back into Toshiba for a new motherboard, and i won’t be doing any online junk untill it comes back.  That is correct, I’m unplugging from the net and hopefully plugging into humanity ( or whats left of it ) for a bit.  I plan on having one hell of a fantastic AND productive week and I will share the details with all you mutton heads if and when i return to dabble in this cyber tomfoolery.

Potty mouth training

Have any of you Yanni fans out there ever heard a voice that just made you sit up and take notice?  Perhaps it was the first time you heard the angelic sound of Gilbert Godfrey’s distinct whine.  Maybe it was the first noises made by your infant child, who knows.  I’m in Maryland this week and I’m not being as zen master about the whole thing as I should be.  Don’t get me wrong, I be tickled to death about spending time with my one and only brother and his lovely and charming wife.  I should be taking photos seeing as I lugged all of my camera equipment along for the ride.  I should be having a better time but I am not.  It must be that voice.  It haunts me in such a way that all I can do is look forward to all Hallows Eve with the baited breath of a fishmonger.  No matter what I accomplish in the space of time between now and then, I know that nothing will satisfy me.  Crap on it all.  I guess in situations where you have zero control over what is occurring and the timetable in which it plays out there are only two things you can do (yes, this applies to strokes too).  For starters you must keep a positive and patient outlook on the entire situation.  At all times you should remain centered and calm.  Only then will you be able to accomplish the second task which is to pour your efforts and energies into the time, place and outcome of the action so that it will end favorably.  If you rush into a battle nervously and with no effort or thought than it is predetermined that you shall be defeated.  I guess there is one other thing you can do and that is simply to think about that voice……..

The green ones make you horny,

Brian Nathaniel Bird

Rock ‘N Roll Hip Replacement

Woohoo alls yalls, I’m off with pops to travel up Maryland way to check in on my newly married brother and his wife ( my shiny-new sister) so keep your eyes focused on my flickr page for pictorial updates from what was the northern most slave owning state back in the day.  Also, this thanksgiving this whole wing of the Bird clan will be St. Louis bound and you just know I’m gonna snap some keepers, what with me being around my 2 artistic cousins- Rach and Linds so look out world, I’m feeling inspired.  Plus not only have I been spending more time conversing with and spending time around good friends as of late, but I seem to be making new ones as well.  Let’s all cross our fingers and hope I don’t screw it up.  I had another delightful conversation with the always charming Mrs. Kincaid and as usual her high praise for my creative abilities left me flush with a feeling of extreme adequacy to such an extent that I’m starting to feel that I should give this writing thing another go whilst I sit here and gather dust at the bequest of the government.  Really, having people as smart and well rounded as Mr. and Mrs. Kincaid inform you that you have a genuine knack for artistic endeavours is tantamount to Gandhi telling you that you are a true man (or woman) of peace and are a lock to win the Nobel peace prize, or at least the title of Miss Congeniality of those contending.  Thanks again for the kind words you two.  Y’all are like a younger, hipper and sexier version of Mother Theresa and her sidekick Batman.  Really you are.

Luv always,

Brian Nathaniel Bird

P.S. You two are also fantastic Karaoke singers too, but another tale for another day.

Chicken McNuggets of wisdom

Sometimes it feels as if life is but one big long string that just so happens to interconnect everything in existence (and a few thing that exist only in the vast and empty region between my ears). Tonight I’d like to discuss a few thoughts about both the nature of learning AND the nature of the interconnected universe. That is, if it’s not going to be to much for my porn crazed, zoophilic fan base to comprehend. The connection and learning motifs have been quite prevalent in my thoughts for the last couple ‘o days. It all started a week or so ago when my folks bought a book on Zen style thought processes. In their search to better understand and comprehend the things that we have all been dealing with after my stroke, they have been exploring avenues that were once dark to them. I have found this interesting because I was first introduced to the myriad Asian philosophies over a decade ago by my globe traversing and close friend Kris Kincaid. Now my parents, in their quest for understanding and strength were reaching a place I had arrived at long ago. Shortly after this, and I mean only a matter of days, I was having a wonderfully enlightening discussion with my best friend Joe when he brought up the astute observation that our culture and society are set up in such a way to compartmentalize individuals in such a way that those from different age groups have little chance to intermingle and as a direct result, there is not much sharing of knowledge or ideas moving up OR down the age chain. This is too bad for we can all stand to learn not only from the wisdom of our elders but also from the fresh views of those whom we proceed. As if this was not enough to keep me thinking long and hard for quite sometime, the very next day I had a very illuminating discussion with one of my younger cousins. Her thoughts not only drove home the notion that knowledge can flow up not just from those more advanced in years but that there are opportunities to grow and become informed from many sources all around us. All we have to do is stay out of stifling routines and keep our eyes peeled and our ears to the ground (apache style) AND most importantly- our minds open to the possibility that golden ideas can come wrapped in dirty paper. Not only do we segregate based on age, but social status as well. A half coked up homeless dude can have pearls of wisdom and so can a 17 year old blonde. They are not the sole property of gray bearded college professors and captains of industry. So put that in your corncob pipe and smoke it next time you think that only some people have worthwhile things to share. You will be so wrong. Everybody has got at least one good lesson to teach so pay attention when class is in session.

 BAARRRIIIINNNGGGGGG (Saved by the bell),

Brian

 

 

Alabama Jew-Fro

Just a quick update for all you gearheads, carnuts, hotrodders, and pony car enthusiasts (and art affectinados to boot).  The Tybee Island Classic/Muscle car show was today and I just uploaded a buttload of photos to http://flickr.com/photos/zangemu.  You can also just go to flickr and search for the “tybee” group as I posted them there as well.  I mentioned art lovers because I try not to just shoot straight on car pics but I try to use the lines, curves, angles and interesting bits to photograph something a little more substantial.  Just remember that none of these have been touched up yet.  Also you could not sit in or touch the cars in any way AND my balance ain’t what it was before the stroke so try not to harsh my buzz you fools.  Love ya  all.  Except of course, this schmuck.

Brian”the Beastmaster”Bird

Simple pleasures with complex pressure

Just a quickstroke note about another great thing you get when you are given a stroke-the ability to take more baths than showers.  I know this may sound trivial and perhaps it is, but far too often in our modern mixed up world folks don’t take the time to relax any more.  Sometimes a bath is just more feasible to us strokee’s due to balance and strength issues and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  I can’t speak for the ladies but as a man I can say that shaving in the tub after letting a hot washcloth take up residence on my face has been a revolutionary sensation for me.  It’s sooooo much more comfortable than the old standing in front of the sink standby.  It’s also more relaxing and less harried than shaving while in the shower.  I for one feel like I’ve just gotten/given myself the ol’ old west traditional barber treatment.  It’s something I recommend to all the fellas, but especially for my fellow strokers seeing as we sometimes need to find the hidden nuggets of gold in the doodie pie of our situation.

Peace be with you (and an extra piece for you),

Brian Bird

Riding the one trick pony….

It’s awesome how abundantly so many of you all suck.  The most searched for tag that brings so many of my first time readers is (drum roll puhlease) ZOO PORN!  HAHAHAHAHA!  Far be it from me to judge any of you sickos in la-la land but damn, how many of you are scouring the blogosphere and really hope to see chicks with barnyard animals or dudes with livestock?  It boggles the mind.  I know from my stats that many of you stick around are read other posts once the ruse is diffused and I truly appreciate that you pause from mangling your meat long enough to beat your braincells with my musings.  To show you how much I’m indebted to y’all I’m going to let you see that my creative side is just not all about that prose but that I’m also a decent shutterbug as well.  Go to http://flickr.com/photos/zangemu/ (It’s such a shameless self aggrandizing plug I know, but some of those pics o’ mine are pretty good).  So go now, before the government of Hungary kicks down my door so that the zombies can get in my bomb shelter and eat my brains.  If you learn nothing from me except one thing I guess it should be that nothing in life is more sought after than pics and vids of people loving animals.

You can go back to touching yourself now,

Brian

Shaking the powder from a butterfly’s wings

So just go with me on this one. Picture yourself standing on a hill, looking down around Seattle, I don’t know, circa 1990. There is a soft light emanating from the dust-gray clouds and from the scent of the breeze you just know that it’s the start of autumn. In the not so subtle distance you hear what sounds like the opening of “Love Hurts”. (The Everly Brother’s original version-NOT the 70’s retread.) You inhale deeply and close your eyes almost a little too tightly and when you reopen them…. It’s almost 100 percent a different scene altogether. Now try to imagine that every day of your life you are condemned (although I don’t like using that word here because of it’s negative connotation but I am currently at a loss so I guess I’m stuck with it for now) to spend each day in a totally new reality- a different era of time, shifting places, always new faces and most importantly, an ever changing attitude and outlook on your life. That’s basically what life is for everyone on this planet, every single moment of every single day whether we choose to see it or not. Even those among us whose lives are in the worn into the deepest of pattern and groove, there are a million things about each day that are different from every other day proceeding and succeeding all without us even making an effort to change out of the rut/race we may have found ourselves in. So to those out there who insist that they have neither the inclination or energy to escape from the orbit of their lives I say that you don’t have to at all. Your life is already unique each and every day. Just realize it. The moment you are in right this instant….That moment is gone, vanished forever and no matter how hard you try, you can never get it back. Forever it is on to something new.

Chew on that for a bit

Brian